Oh, the blog, how I've missed you.... For all my anti-technology, hippy-esque rants (save the washing machine, I neeeeeeed a washing machine ancestral-style-bath-stamping doesn't cut it when you're 9 months gone...) I cannot deny the joy that has been brought to my life by a borrowed computer and dodgy, hacked internet access. Ah the mountain life....
I can't quite believe that 5 months have passed since packing up (again) and moving to Barcelona (again) to make a new life in the Mountain Town. Everything you can imagine is real so said Picasso, (which suits my tendency to believe the ramblings of manic depressive, crazy people) so, despite much advice against moving abroad alone, pregnant and without nearly enough money saved, here I am. Finding, on a near-daily basis that actually, yes, everything you can imagine is real. Or could be, Could you dare to imagine it.
I said before that I'm not comfortable being comfortable. I have since discovered that I greatly over-simplified what my spirit was telling me... 2 months of winter in a damp, antiquated (but very beautiful...) old and mould-ridden flat have had me pining for carpet, heating and a bath tub long enough to lie in (what is the deal, Espana, with the tiniest baths known to man...?). However, there is a difference between being comfortable - in the sense that you're cosy and warm, and not risking irreversible pulmonary damage to you and your soon-to-be-born child, and being comfortable and operating solely within some sort of self-imposed comfort zone. I should like to take this opportunity to apologise to PT for my renunciation of luxury and invite it back post-haste.
Many of you told me it would be easier, wiser or more sensible to stay in the UK, sign on, get a house and die a slow but socially acceptable death over the coming years. A few of you thought it sounded incredibly exciting, romantic even, to move back to Spain to grow vegetables and make a school in the mountains but attested that such a thing was a fantasy, a 'nice idea' or vowed "but I could never do such a thing...." (not I, you.. or them.. you know what I mean.. ). And a wee tiny handful, believed. I'd like to state, for the record, that it's amazing what we can achieve when we believe in ourselves. And each other.
Everything you can imagine is real- so get imagining.
Peace and Love
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Thursday, 18 August 2011
Keeping the faith...
It's tricky sometimes, to understand what the Universe has planned for you. Why that boy dumped you. Why the job you really, really wanted went to someone else. Why every little plan you ever make goes tits-up and forces you to regroup, re-assess and struggle onward.... Why it's never just easy. Well, life isn't easy. To get to where you are now just take a second to think about how much had to be overcome.
And I don't just mean "woe is me, I have been through soooo much...." because you haven't (did any of us grow up in rural Africa, for example? Have we been denied basic human rights? Have we battled famine, drought or grown up in a war zone....? Ummmm...), but on a less self-centred level, in the grand scheme of things, all things, an impossibly massive number of seemingly tiny, tiny events had to play out in a very particular manner for you to ever exist. That's insane. It's also fucking awesome.
So, before you go sweating the small stuff, spare a thought for the big stuff. The colossal stuff. The absolutely amazing certainty that everything is happening for a reason, that we're all part of something so much bigger than our egos permit us to perceive and that, regardless of our worries, stresses and mini-dramas the Universe will carry on regardless toward an end we cannot fathom.
So breathe. Relax. Let go a little and allow yourself to just enjoy each moment, happy or sad (for one cannot exist without the other....) safe in the knowledge that everything is just as it needs to be.
Peace and Love
And I don't just mean "woe is me, I have been through soooo much...." because you haven't (did any of us grow up in rural Africa, for example? Have we been denied basic human rights? Have we battled famine, drought or grown up in a war zone....? Ummmm...), but on a less self-centred level, in the grand scheme of things, all things, an impossibly massive number of seemingly tiny, tiny events had to play out in a very particular manner for you to ever exist. That's insane. It's also fucking awesome.
So, before you go sweating the small stuff, spare a thought for the big stuff. The colossal stuff. The absolutely amazing certainty that everything is happening for a reason, that we're all part of something so much bigger than our egos permit us to perceive and that, regardless of our worries, stresses and mini-dramas the Universe will carry on regardless toward an end we cannot fathom.
So breathe. Relax. Let go a little and allow yourself to just enjoy each moment, happy or sad (for one cannot exist without the other....) safe in the knowledge that everything is just as it needs to be.
Peace and Love
Saturday, 2 July 2011
Fam. Innit.
Life being as it is, and people being as they are, I just wanted to take a moment (I wanted to take this moment yesterday, but was thwarted...) to big up my amazing pseudo-family. Yes, blood is thicker than water (in terms of viscosity) but does that mean blood ties are more important than non-blood ties? I know too many people these days who would say 'no'. Yes, I love my Mother and sister, but do I love my pseudo-family less? absolutely not. And the best thing about the pseudo-family is that the line-up is ever-changing. People move on, have their own lives to lead... And you don't grudge them. You're happy, supportive... Truly loving. None of the emotional... Blackmail, almost, that because you're related to someone you should, or must, do x, y and z for them... Just a much purer, unadulterated and honest system of relationships and interactions. So, to the pseudo-fam, you know who you are, each and every one of you... (the beauty of the pseudo-family is that it is each and every one of you....) I love you all. And I just wanted to say thanks for being awesome.
Peace and Love
Peace and Love
Friday, 1 July 2011
Argggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I've been thinking about how these public forums (facebook, blogs etc...) are basically just another way of putting on a mask- like the Scousers'- and how it's just all bullhit, if you think about it. Carefully thought out, concocted, put-together crap to convey how smart/funny/popular and generally wonderful we are. Well, I am not wonderful. Not today at least (well, that's not strictly true, I felt fine and dandy up until about an hour ago). And I'm not feeling funny, smart or particularly 'deep' right now and I promised myself that I'd update this bloody blog. So, in honour of honour, and honesty, and all that is great and good about being alive and being human, I thought I'd share my failures (to be calm and zen-like, unaffected and chilled out... what will be will be and all that... ) and share my rage. I'd also like to thank the bastard energy-thieves whose shitty vibes and stresses I managed to absorb through the ether. Goblin queen, once more you have outdone yourself. As for you, Desert Creep, consider yourself deleted.
Peace and Love
Peace and Love
Sunday, 15 May 2011
OrangUtan, Sloth, Monkey, Penguin or Elephant?
Peter came to Sassenach country last week and, amongst the usual (and some not so usual) drama, we ended up (after many a delightful pub lunch) at Colchester Zoo. I'd like to start by saying that, yes, I do consider myself a huge hypocrite as I don't think, having pondered on this for the past few days, that zoos are good things.
Now, I loved seeing elephants and tigers and meerkats and giraffes and monkeys and the snuffliest bears in the world (sun bears- they just lol (not LOL) around like they're in bed on a Sunday waiting on someone to bring them up a cup of tea) and all the other animals I wouldn't get to see had some retarded human being (at some point in the chain) not decided to snatch these poor critters from their natural environments but really, when I think about it, it's just all wrong.
The Orang-Utan really brought it home to me, as if the sloth hadn't been enough (more on him in a minute...). He was sat in a glass box, trying to eat a banana, with people staring in at him and taking his photo, banging on his window.... I've never seen such sad eyes.... I felt like the poor bastard was being violated. He looked like he knew there was a better life for him, somewhere, but that he'd lost all hope. Now, I know this may constitute 'normal' for him, but it's uncomfortable to watch, it's weird- and having paid £32 (for 2) in order to ensure that this craziness continues, I feel really bad.
The sloth, in absolute contrast to its reputation, was industriously turning the branches of a tree into a launching platform in order to scope out his prospects of escape. What struck me later is that he probably does that every day.... Living in hope that one day, if he just climbs high enough, he might just find a hole big enough to squeeze out through and that's it! "Ha! Nothing will stop me now......!"
Most of the animals seemed quite docile and content, mindlessly eating the food provided. The monkeys seemed the happiest (or the most deranged, I suppose....) swinging around making the most of their shit situation... However, the penguins were so conditioned to respond to humans as food-bearers that they couldn't even enjoy their pseudo-environment... They'd turned the tables and were huddled together, staring at the children peeking in at them, pressed right up against the glass following their every move... obsessively, unthinkingly seeking that morsel of fish that would fulfil them so they could get on with their (pretty miserable) lives......
I can't believe I forgot the elephants. Elephants never forget. And the bloody elephant is the very beast who planted this whole idea for the blog in my head... Go figure.... I have never seen such an act of faith in one's abilities and the resultant rewards to be reaped as when I saw an elephant stretching and balancing its weight in the most ungainly, and perilous, manner to reach for the grass (which is always greener) which was on the other side of a wall, completely invisible to it and halfway down an embankment. Imagine an elephant on tiptoes, leaning as far forward as it can whilst blindly feeling around with its trunk, which is also stretched to absolute capacity. Unless you've seen this, you probably can't but try anyway. Hilarious, tragic and inspiring in equal measure.
But what for us? With our 'freedom'? The saddest thing of all is that we're all animals, trapped in a very big zoo...... But which one are you?
Peace and Love.
Now, I loved seeing elephants and tigers and meerkats and giraffes and monkeys and the snuffliest bears in the world (sun bears- they just lol (not LOL) around like they're in bed on a Sunday waiting on someone to bring them up a cup of tea) and all the other animals I wouldn't get to see had some retarded human being (at some point in the chain) not decided to snatch these poor critters from their natural environments but really, when I think about it, it's just all wrong.
The Orang-Utan really brought it home to me, as if the sloth hadn't been enough (more on him in a minute...). He was sat in a glass box, trying to eat a banana, with people staring in at him and taking his photo, banging on his window.... I've never seen such sad eyes.... I felt like the poor bastard was being violated. He looked like he knew there was a better life for him, somewhere, but that he'd lost all hope. Now, I know this may constitute 'normal' for him, but it's uncomfortable to watch, it's weird- and having paid £32 (for 2) in order to ensure that this craziness continues, I feel really bad.
The sloth, in absolute contrast to its reputation, was industriously turning the branches of a tree into a launching platform in order to scope out his prospects of escape. What struck me later is that he probably does that every day.... Living in hope that one day, if he just climbs high enough, he might just find a hole big enough to squeeze out through and that's it! "Ha! Nothing will stop me now......!"
Most of the animals seemed quite docile and content, mindlessly eating the food provided. The monkeys seemed the happiest (or the most deranged, I suppose....) swinging around making the most of their shit situation... However, the penguins were so conditioned to respond to humans as food-bearers that they couldn't even enjoy their pseudo-environment... They'd turned the tables and were huddled together, staring at the children peeking in at them, pressed right up against the glass following their every move... obsessively, unthinkingly seeking that morsel of fish that would fulfil them so they could get on with their (pretty miserable) lives......
I can't believe I forgot the elephants. Elephants never forget. And the bloody elephant is the very beast who planted this whole idea for the blog in my head... Go figure.... I have never seen such an act of faith in one's abilities and the resultant rewards to be reaped as when I saw an elephant stretching and balancing its weight in the most ungainly, and perilous, manner to reach for the grass (which is always greener) which was on the other side of a wall, completely invisible to it and halfway down an embankment. Imagine an elephant on tiptoes, leaning as far forward as it can whilst blindly feeling around with its trunk, which is also stretched to absolute capacity. Unless you've seen this, you probably can't but try anyway. Hilarious, tragic and inspiring in equal measure.
But what for us? With our 'freedom'? The saddest thing of all is that we're all animals, trapped in a very big zoo...... But which one are you?
Peace and Love.
Thursday, 5 May 2011
Leap. And the net will appear. Hopefully.
Never one to act irrationally or whimsically (at least, not to my mind...) I decided yesterday to stop waiting for the family in Dubai to decide my future and booked a one-way flight to India. This is not as random as it first appears, my journey of self-discovery did initially begin as a search for 'me' and my origins.... So, father rediscovered, now it's time to rediscover the land of my fore(Grand)fathers. Surprisingly logical, I would say....(though, to be honest, I only noticed this pseudo-logic after I'd confirmed that, yes, I am sure...).
I leave on the first of September and am extremely excited. Though, truth be told, I have very little idea as to what lies in store. Which is just how like it. (I'm going to live with and teach street kids 40km from Jaipur, more than that I don't know). I do know that a lot of people don't get it, won't get it, don't want to get it.... Whatever...But, it cannot be overstated that life is nothing if not an adventure and that "the only unchangeable certainty we have is that nothing is unchangeable nor certain."
So, rather than live within my uncomfortable comfort zone- a routine of wake up, coffee, check email/facebook, go to work, go to the pub, go back to work, have a glass of wine, go home, check email/facebook, sleep.... (Ok, I skipped a few important bits- I do (thankfully for the rest of you) shower and get dressed every day...And eat rather too many times to include in this list for repetitions' sake...But you get the general idea) and bemoan the fact that 'bloody Dubai still haven't got in touch....I though I'd better take action. And yes, Maximo, I do still have to wait until September, but at least I made a decision. And took the first step towards change. So shut up! I also have many things to do between now and September (including my 10 day silence) like go to Barca and Greenbelt and to see Mos Def and Pygmalion and my Grannies.... So, yes. September is perfect. Let's just hope that this little certainty doesn't go changing on me. Apparently AirMiles are non-refundable....
I don't mean to litter my thoughts with other people's quotes but I'd probably be accused of ripping them off if I tried to paraphrase in some way so.... "Become the change you want to see in the world" (Gandhi). I'm not gonna stop trying to change the world, but I am going to (little by little) become the change I'd like to see.... And hope that I may inspire others to do the same.
I guess my point is, if there's something you want to do, something you want to change, do it. Now. Tomorrow might be too late. As for me... September better not be.....!
Peace and Love.
I leave on the first of September and am extremely excited. Though, truth be told, I have very little idea as to what lies in store. Which is just how like it. (I'm going to live with and teach street kids 40km from Jaipur, more than that I don't know). I do know that a lot of people don't get it, won't get it, don't want to get it.... Whatever...But, it cannot be overstated that life is nothing if not an adventure and that "the only unchangeable certainty we have is that nothing is unchangeable nor certain."
So, rather than live within my uncomfortable comfort zone- a routine of wake up, coffee, check email/facebook, go to work, go to the pub, go back to work, have a glass of wine, go home, check email/facebook, sleep.... (Ok, I skipped a few important bits- I do (thankfully for the rest of you) shower and get dressed every day...And eat rather too many times to include in this list for repetitions' sake...But you get the general idea) and bemoan the fact that 'bloody Dubai still haven't got in touch....I though I'd better take action. And yes, Maximo, I do still have to wait until September, but at least I made a decision. And took the first step towards change. So shut up! I also have many things to do between now and September (including my 10 day silence) like go to Barca and Greenbelt and to see Mos Def and Pygmalion and my Grannies.... So, yes. September is perfect. Let's just hope that this little certainty doesn't go changing on me. Apparently AirMiles are non-refundable....
I don't mean to litter my thoughts with other people's quotes but I'd probably be accused of ripping them off if I tried to paraphrase in some way so.... "Become the change you want to see in the world" (Gandhi). I'm not gonna stop trying to change the world, but I am going to (little by little) become the change I'd like to see.... And hope that I may inspire others to do the same.
I guess my point is, if there's something you want to do, something you want to change, do it. Now. Tomorrow might be too late. As for me... September better not be.....!
Peace and Love.
Monday, 2 May 2011
Obama, Osama, it's all the same....
I awoke this morning bleary eyed, and very late, to be told "the world is a very different place from when you went to bed..." As my mind tried to process what the hell could have happened, I uttered the word 'how?' "They've captured, killed and buried Osama Bin Laden." What? I burst into tears. And no, I'm not a terrorist, nor a muslim, just a person. A part of humanity. As we all are. Like it or not.
Ok, so I'm feeling a bit premenstrual and I know that Osama Bin Laden's many acts of violence against both muslims and non-muslims cannot be defended nor accepted but, it's just all so wrong. When muslims celebrated (though many, many more did not) the attacks on the twin towers (sorry, but I am still not convinced this even was Osama's masterminded plan, but that's not actually relevant right now...) they were condemned by the propaganda machine that is Washington and their behaviour cited as 'proof' that all muslims are extremists and enemies of The West.
Today, spontaneous parties erupted all over America in response to the news of this 'monsters'' assassination. Murder. What the fuck? Since when did murder, judgement, non-forgiveness, the upholding of division, fear and hatred become things to be revered and celebrated in our societies? Why is murder by one side a terrible heinous crime, but something to be rejoiced in by the other? What has the world actually gained today? Safety? Reassurance? Security? I, for one, am neither feeling safer, reassured nor more secure in the knowledge that our Governments (let's face it, we're all America's bitches... Except maybe China....) think that murder, war and violence and the associated poverty, grief and destruction are necessary, acceptable tools to control resources, people and outdated systems of power.
I'm no expert (clearly) politics-wise, but I know that killing people is wrong. Whoever you are. Whatever they did. As Ghandi said (and this quote has been bandied about a few times today, at least...) 'an eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind...' Maybe we are blind. Or forgetful. Or stupid, unthinking sheep who quietly (or not so quietly judging by the scenes in NYC) accept whatever the powers that be tell us in order to maintain the status quo... Maybe we'll wake up soon and realise that, actually, people are people. We all fuck up. Some of us royally. Some of us catastrophically.... To err is to be human an aw that... I just don't quite understand why some of us are allowed to fuck up, time and time again for the 'greater good' (ahem... America... Bullshit...) whilst others are murdered or persecuted for their pursuit of the same. We're all just following our own dreams, right? As crazy as they may be.
So, Obama, the president-of-African/Islamic-descent (Thanks for the clarification, Pete) who has not only been responsible for declaring war on Africa (albeit in a slightly less blatant way) but now too for taking out a 'Muslim leader' (he wasn't, he grossly misinterpreted the teachings of Islam. Clearly.) is the champion of the West. Out of these two men, seeking the same end (power, wealth, status, the adoption of their ideals and ideas...), he is the one that won through. For now. Until his puppet masters decide that, like Bin laden (previously Osama was embraced as a Saudi 'hero' by Raegan's administration....) he has served his cause, at least.
We live in crazy times. Though, despite that, it was nice of them to put off the release of this 'world-changing' information until after the nuptials of Wills and Kate, wasn't it?
Peace and Love.
Ok, so I'm feeling a bit premenstrual and I know that Osama Bin Laden's many acts of violence against both muslims and non-muslims cannot be defended nor accepted but, it's just all so wrong. When muslims celebrated (though many, many more did not) the attacks on the twin towers (sorry, but I am still not convinced this even was Osama's masterminded plan, but that's not actually relevant right now...) they were condemned by the propaganda machine that is Washington and their behaviour cited as 'proof' that all muslims are extremists and enemies of The West.
Today, spontaneous parties erupted all over America in response to the news of this 'monsters'' assassination. Murder. What the fuck? Since when did murder, judgement, non-forgiveness, the upholding of division, fear and hatred become things to be revered and celebrated in our societies? Why is murder by one side a terrible heinous crime, but something to be rejoiced in by the other? What has the world actually gained today? Safety? Reassurance? Security? I, for one, am neither feeling safer, reassured nor more secure in the knowledge that our Governments (let's face it, we're all America's bitches... Except maybe China....) think that murder, war and violence and the associated poverty, grief and destruction are necessary, acceptable tools to control resources, people and outdated systems of power.
I'm no expert (clearly) politics-wise, but I know that killing people is wrong. Whoever you are. Whatever they did. As Ghandi said (and this quote has been bandied about a few times today, at least...) 'an eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind...' Maybe we are blind. Or forgetful. Or stupid, unthinking sheep who quietly (or not so quietly judging by the scenes in NYC) accept whatever the powers that be tell us in order to maintain the status quo... Maybe we'll wake up soon and realise that, actually, people are people. We all fuck up. Some of us royally. Some of us catastrophically.... To err is to be human an aw that... I just don't quite understand why some of us are allowed to fuck up, time and time again for the 'greater good' (ahem... America... Bullshit...) whilst others are murdered or persecuted for their pursuit of the same. We're all just following our own dreams, right? As crazy as they may be.
So, Obama, the president-of-African/Islamic-descent (Thanks for the clarification, Pete) who has not only been responsible for declaring war on Africa (albeit in a slightly less blatant way) but now too for taking out a 'Muslim leader' (he wasn't, he grossly misinterpreted the teachings of Islam. Clearly.) is the champion of the West. Out of these two men, seeking the same end (power, wealth, status, the adoption of their ideals and ideas...), he is the one that won through. For now. Until his puppet masters decide that, like Bin laden (previously Osama was embraced as a Saudi 'hero' by Raegan's administration....) he has served his cause, at least.
We live in crazy times. Though, despite that, it was nice of them to put off the release of this 'world-changing' information until after the nuptials of Wills and Kate, wasn't it?
Peace and Love.
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