Mind control

I'm waiting for a lot of things right now. And coping surprisingly well, considering how much I HATE (D) waiting. But, as part of the 'new and improved Zen-like mindset' I am learning that, actually, waiting's ok. And whilst you're waiting you can fill your time, and mind, with random soul-fulfilling activities. Like blog-writing whilst waiting for delicious smelling soup... (Despite the fact that I stuffed my face, in a shed, at lunchtime with prawns (one of whom, revoltingly, was pregnant. Ewww!) and fishcakes and then tea and scone- singular). And practising thinking about a) nothing at all or b) thinking about things in a new and positive way. (Yes, Sasha, that lady is doing your head in with her ranting and negativity and overuse of the word 'tart' but, actually she's a very lovely person and is just venting her emotions- rather ineloquently- with regards to George (very lovely horse) after he was starved very nearly to death). I have developed MPD within my own head. But I like it. Also, walking round a field picking up horse shit. Who'd have thought....? This is an activity I have pursued many times in my life (not for fun, you see, but necessity), always with an 'Ugh, I can't be arsed, the wheelbarrow weighs a ton, it's cold, it's disgusting... If you switch off the voice in your head, this becomes a lovely experience, filled with the sounds of birds, the wind, gunshots. Ok, they're not lovely, but you know what I mean. Even the gunshots, actually.... It was like punctuation every now and then. And it was freaking Rio out (stuck-up, lady-who-luches-type horse) which made me laugh. I actually felt like I could hear her "Agh! What the devil was that frightful noise...?" I think I could on some level...
So, whilst waiting to hear from Dubai, waiting to get the van to drive to Asia, waiting for the Universe to show me it's time to jet off to South America... I'm learning to love every single moment, every single day. Like seeing tiger stripes where, in actuality, there are horrible big scratches down the side of Pete's car that he so kindly lent me (oops). And loving Ginger (the little cunt) even though he dumped me in a puddle and then catapulted me through the air whilst standing laughing at me (as much as a horse can laugh....) loving my work and the people I work with... even the 'but dear, you work in a restaurant, you should know which white wine is drier...' Well, I don't, so why don't you taste them all and let me know... made one 'delightful' customer's day. Between patience, understanding and a little bit of positivity, we could all make this world a much better place. Don't send out negative thoughts, there's already a ridiculous abundance  of them. Whenever you catch yourself feeling pissed off, frustrated, impatient, overwhelmed by piles and piles of horse shit..... Just smile, switch off the voice in your head and think...... nothing. Life is what it is, all you can do is change your response to it....
Peace and Love.

Where is the love...?

Ok, I don't profess to have all, or indeed any, of the answers but, given that it's free to ask (bear this in mind, always... there is a reason that 'how' and 'why' are two favourite words amongst children....another two being 'no' and 'when?') I thought I'd try to articulate some of the thoughts invading my 'quiet, reflective' time of late....'Where to start?' I was thinking this morning, whilst still trying to wake up (literally and symbolically) over a coffee and my Rudolf Steiner book at work... When in walked two old men to ask if we were open for the partaking of the aforementioned hot beverage. Looking at my cup, an hour before we opened, I couldn't really say 'no' and besides, they looked like friendly bears. Though not literally, just to clarify for any autistic readers. They sat in the window (again, not literally), chatting quietly whilst I continued with my book... Half an hour later, when they came over to pay (I had since put my book down and was distractedly polishing glasses), one of them asked me "how do you feel about this situation in Libya and the middle East?" Well, I thought he'd read my mind, for one, and, slightly freaked out, but curious, I said "I think it's all incredibly sad and that it's a shame our 'leaders' think that war's the answer". The three of us spent a few minutes agreeing that yes it was very sad but admitting that we had little idea as to what to do about it. I did suggest that if I could just gain access to DC's Downing Street abode one night I could (after calming him, obviously) make this power and cash hungry public-school-prick see sense. And then get him to get Obama on the phone and.... Well, anyways, suffice to say, this was not the expected response and so, despite the initial promise of the situation, they eyed me suspiciously, placed a leaflet on the bar and said "maybe you'd like to read this, keep an open mind..." and off they went. Slightly perturbed to have lost my enthusiastic, world-changing new pals, I picked up the leaflet. Jehovah's Witnesses. Excellent. Well, they'd asked nicely and so I kept an open mind, read the leaflet and then put it away. It's all a bit much, you see.. all Bible quotes and 'The Promise of a New World' for the 'Righteous...' How about just a lovely new world for all of us...? I'm not righteous (I'm not even entirely sure what it means, but I don't like it. My soul is unhappy with the terminology). Who is? Who are we to judge our fellow man? (Or woman...?) Ok, so some people do our heads in, some people commit crimes, some people just aren't like us. Or you. Or me. And what? We really are all one and the same. We are all responsible for each other. We all fuck up. Nobody is more virtuous or more deserving than anyone else. So yeah, I'm sad for libya, but I'm sadder for humanity. We're all Libya. We're all oppressed. We're all slaves to one system or another. What we choose to do about it is up to us. So what are we gonna do.....? Answers on a postcard.
Peace and Love

Should I give a fuck...?

Awright? I'm having a bit of a dilemma... Well, I'm not, other people are... It has recently come to my attention (very recently, seen as how this is only four days in....) that some people would very much like to be able to recommend my ramblings to a wider audience, but in order to do so request that I tone down the 'offensive' language. In short, I'm being censored. Or being asked to censor myself. What say you? The people? My friends? My feelings shall remain within the confines of my mind for now so as not to influence you.... To Bleep or not to Bleep, that is the question. Peace and Love.

Agh....people are such cunts to waiters, is there any need....?!!

Ok, so I'm a little sensitive. I've just worked my ass off on a double shift, alone on the floor, and have just about had my fill of 'ladies who lunch'. and dinner for that matter. Seriously, where did this breed of person even crawl from..? They're fucking with my Chi whomever they are... Firstly, is it right to complain (at least 5 times, as each new person joins the group) that your husband bought you a potato masher for your birthday...??  And then, get arsey with the waitress (read me) for taking the piss..? It's FUNNY!! And maybe your mashed potatoes are shit. And then, blissfully unaware that your waitress is a trained teacher, slag off teachers as 'stuck-up' and disrespectful of support staff (these ladies who lunch were, in actuality, 8 Learning Assistants) whilst being both these things (and worse) to the poor fucker running around after your fat asses...? Who, by the way, is a teacher and your SUPERIOR anyway. Ok, that off my chest, BIG UP to the lovely wheel-chair bound old lady whose false teeth got stuck to the treacle tart and to the lovely table of four people who kept saying how contagious my smile (though I think it's safe to assume anyone's smile...) is... You guys helped me through.
Keep smiling... Peace and love

The labyrinth that is life....

Ok, funny how I had so many ideas, so many opinions, so much shit to get off my chest and now, I don't know where to start...! In part, this is due to the fact that I have a lot more research to do in some areas and partly because, you don't really know where you're going until you start the journey. So, day-by-day, as I have come to view and live my life, poco-a-poco, is how I shall continue here....

A sort of 'Sasha's random thoughts and inspirations....'

I was talking recently (for a change) about how the movies you grow up watching seem to play out in your life. The ones you feel a particular resonance with... Your favourites. I don't know how many of my friends are going to suddenly delete me for my random Hippy-esque ramblings and frankly, I don't give a fuck, but it's something to think about nonetheless....

My three favourite films of all time are Labyrinth, ET and Watership Down (which, now, is quite terrifying...). 

Ok, so, yes, I am fascinated by the Labyrinth symbology in the world as a whole and could ramble on for ages... But I shall refrain. Look it up if you're interested. It's fascinating. And I can supply hundreds of references. This is meant to be a personal account, a making-sense-of-my-life and sharing with the people I love and care about. Which, actually, is all of humanity but we'll aim a little lower than that to start with...

Barcelona was like my labyrinth, not only in its physical manifestation (Gotico, anyone? After a few too many tequilas....) but in all that it came to represent.  I LOVE Barcelona, don't get me wrong, but in loving barcelona, I lost myself and lost my path... Distracted by the many fun and crazy characters I met along the way, endless parties (And I mean endless, I'm pretty sure the last one's still going on 5 weeks later...) and the beauty of the world in which I'd enveloped myself, I forgot that I went there with a purpose, that I'd been looking for something. In short, I had to burst the bubble and escape my very own Goblin King. (No Peter, it wasn't you....)

Without going on too much, which is difficult for me, I wanted to learn Spanish and I had an unidentified 'urge' to go to Barcelona so, off I went. (Well, off we went but that's another story). In my car (which promptly got towed away) to Catalonia, where they don't speak Spanish but Catalan. Good start. Two years later, Castillano in the bag (I like to think, though the laughter I still manage to rouse from my Spaniard pals is testament to the fact that the acquisition and mastery of a language is an ongoing process...) I began to feel frustrated, angry and lost.  I was numbing my emotions with home-made (thanks Lads, beware the helicopters) concoctions in an attempt to escape the reality which I had created for myself.

It took a lot of soul searching and the appearance of my first, acknowledged, guardian angel (Argentina, I love you) to realise that the demons of my past had to be met, confronted and left behind. And that I couldn't do that by running away to Morocco, but had to do the thing which terrified me most and return to Britain. England, for fuck's sake.... Now, at the centre of my labyrinth, I have faced the Goblin King (more on him another time... Actually, her....maybe) and am ready to emerge from the darkness and start anew....

"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the goblin city to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, my Kingdom as great... You have no power over me..... "

I'm gonna leave the other two for now as I feel this has gone on long enough... !! Watership Down relates to our (fucked-up, forgotten) relationship with nature and ET, obviously, to our relationship with the Universe as a whole... So, be prepared.

Also, before I go, when you know what you want, what you really, really want (Big up the Spice Girls...) the Universe has a strange and amazing ability to provide all that your heart desires. Paulo Coelho's got nothing on me... Just yesterday (and this is by no means the only such thing to have happened to me recently) I was talking about needing to find somewhere to go (horse)riding around here (South East England). I asked a few people, all of whom assured me they were 'not horsey types' (thank God) but, as such, had no idea. Today, on a detour to get some mint (they didn't have any but I am soon to be the proud grower/cultivator of runner beans) I came across a notice at the garden centre, asking for help with a 13h  (small) pony. Thinking it was (probably) going to be some 14 year old rich kid who'd got bored with her new toy, I went along to meet her feeling slightly apprehensive and quite prepared to be laughed out of the yard (I too, am no 'horsey type', although, strangely, this breed of elite only exists in the UK). Imagine my surprise (I LOVE that phrase, good for angry letter-writing) when I was greeted by the most down-to-Earth, non-snobby lady surrounded by her four snotty-nosed kids (by no means a slight, I love snotty-nosed kids) thigh deep in horse shit. Well, you may be horrified, but I was overjoyed. This woman is AMAZING. She rescues maltreated horses, just for the love of it. And she needs someone to help her exercise all 5 of them because she works every day in order to pay for them and she has 4 children under 6. Her husband is at home bringing up the kids and mucks in (or out, as the case most definitely is) by doing the feeds and other maintenance stuff (he built the stables in a big old barn) as he doesn't ride and has no intention of learning. As a couple, they never have meals out (too expensive) or 5 minutes for themselves (4 children) so now, not only do they have a horse-exerciser, they also have a very willing (and free) babysitter. I don't know what people make of stuff like this, but I think it's awesome. I fucking love the Universe and its strange ways of bringing the right people together at just the right time.
Peace and Love.

Hurrah!

Well, that was easier than I'd thought it would be. 

I've been meaning to do this for a number of years but have never felt a real need to do so until very recently. It's a nice idea, slightly self-indulgent though it is, to be able to communicate your ideas to the rest of the world. I guess I'm on a bit of a spiritual journey, as we all are, and in trying to make sense of the world around me, I am reaching out. 

I'll be back.....